D-Day
by Sweet Babboo
Summary: Sonny and Barba have been co-habiting for some time but a turn of events causes Barba to question himself.
1. Sins of the Father

Yay! Another story from me! Really missed the interaction between these two. I mean REALLY missed them so I've been tinkering with this one for some time. To quote Jem63 at AO3, this one is "a drop of angst with a healthy scoop of fluff". Oh, and some flirting and romance in between. Enjoy!

* * *

"Hey, Carisi, you okay?"

Sonny gave Liv a half-hearted attempt at a smile, "Not really. That scene when we busted down the door and saw those girls huddling together in the corner of the bedroom...I'll never forget it. Their eyes looked as though they were expecting the worst, like a terrified animal that's been abused before. That was rough."

"Yeah, this one was tough all right," Rollins replied as the rest of the SVU team nodded in agreement.

"It's bad enough when people are taken advantage of, but when it involves children, that's what gets to me the most. But even so, it's days like these that remind me of how much SVU is needed in spite of the collateral damage."

Liv nodded in agreement. "It would have been nice to catch the real bastards behind this sex trafficking ring, but at least we got the girls out when we did."

"Did you hear from CPS (Child Protective Services) about what's going to happen to that baby we found during the raid?"

"They're attempting to contact any relatives willing to look after her, but so far no dice. Which is a real shame since her mother is going to be in the hospital for at least a week. A lot of the girls we found were suffering from multiple bruises, dehydration, and malnourishment. It's a wonder that the baby is healthy at all."

"They were probably using her as blackmail to force her mother to work for them," Fin surmised astutely. "That girl couldn't have been more than fifteen."

Sonny shook his head in disbelief. "Geez louise. Fifteen years old with a baby. She was just a kid herself when she got pregnant. That's probably why she was working the streets in the first place."

"What happens if CPS can't find anyone?"

"The baby will probably end up in a foster home for the time being. That is, unless you know a trusted friend who wouldn't mind being a good Samaritan?"

Fin held up his hands, "Hey, don't look at me. I gave up diapers years ago."

"Um, you do remember that you have a grandson, right?"

"What do you think the parents are for?" Fin replied as a matter of fact. "That's one of the privileges of being a grandfather."

"I'd take her if I could, but Jessie is all I can handle at the moment," Rollins chimed in.

"I'll take her," Sonny volunteered.

Liv, Rollins, and Fin all stared at the tall and lanky Staten Island native in stunned silence.

"Well, don't all look so surprised. I happen to be a great uncle. After all, I've babysat my niece hundreds of times since she was born."

"But that was just for a few hours at a time. This would be a full time responsibility. You won't be feeling so confident when the baby cries for hours at a time in the middle of the night and you're basically feeling like the walking dead. You can't turn babies on and off like a switch, you know."

"And here I thought I could use my charisma and charm," Sonny replied sarcastically. "Look, I've got some vacation days coming up that I need to take anyway, and I'm caught up with all my paperwork. And you guys can handle things without me. I've got the time, the means, and the experience. And besides, I want to do it."

"It's a big responsibility. Are you sure you can handle it?" Liv asked uncertainly.

"Well, I did grow up with three sisters. I'm sure I can handle an eight month old baby girl. And if there's any situation I can't handle, I can always lean on my mother for help. And I'm willing to bet that Lin would appreciate seeing her baby during her recovery. It's the only solution that makes sense."

"He's got a point, Liv."

"You're absolutely certain that you want to go through with this, Carisi?"

"Positive. Besides, the baby and I bonded while we were waiting for the EMT's to arrive. I think she trusts me."

"Must be that famous Carisi charisma and charm I've heard so much about," Fin quipped sarcastically. "It's no wonder Barba fell for you."

"Speaking of Mr. Wonderful, how much do you want to bet that he's not going handle the news very well?"

"Hey, I'll have you know Raf loves kids and would make a great dad. This will be good practice for us."

"Just how many kids are you planning on having?" Rollins teased.

"That falls under the category of 'none of your business'," Sonny fired back.

Despite his bravado, Sonny was unsure of how Barba would react. The Manhattan ADA absolutely hated surprises. And although Barba had never vehemently protested the idea in all the time he and Sonny had been together, the reality of having a family never came up. All things being said, there was a part of Sonny that was worried what would happen to them if Barba didn't want the same things that Sonny wanted for them. Perhaps he should have given this babysitting thing a little more thought before volunteering. But that was Sonny, always plunging headlong and acting with his heart instead of his head. And that's exactly why Barba adored him so much.

* * *

"Sonny, I'm home," Barba announced as he sauntered into their shared apartment dropping his briefcase onto the bureau in the foyer. "I hope you've got dinner ready, because I've been thinking about your famous Carisi family lasagna all day."

"I knew it. You only wanted me here to cook for you."

Barba's green eyes widened in shock as his boyfriend came from the living room with a big smile on his face and carrying a baby upright in his arms. The child was small for her age, but seemed healthy in every other aspect. She was admittedly a cutie pie, from her big brown eyes, plump cheeks, and long black eyelashes to her raven colored ponytails sticking out from each side of her head. The most stunning feature was her fair skin, which was pale and delicate like a poreclain doll. Sonny looked so natural holding her.

"Who, is THAT?" Barba replied in a deadpan tone of voice.

"This young lady is a very special guest who's going to be staying with us for the time being. Rafael Barba, meet Jasmine Chao."

"Charmed, I'm sure. Okay, the joke's over. You can return her to her family now. And what's with the elaborate charade?"

"This isn't a joke. Jasmine's mother, Lin, was one of the girls we rescued in that sex trafficking case in Chinatown that I was telling you about. She's in the hospital right now, recovering from her ordeal."

"Fine. I get that, but how did you get involved in becoming Mr. Mom?"

"Lin doesn't have anyone to turn to. Her parents died when she was little and she's been bounced from one foster home to another. CPS couldn't locate any relatives to watch after her daughter at the moment and I couldn't let Jasmine go with a complete stranger and not allow her to see her mother during that whole time. She's only 8 months old."

"Pardon me, but aren't you a stranger to her as well?"

"Not exactly. I was the one who found the baby when we raided the apartment complex. She was so scared and wouldn't let go of me after I picked her up in my arms. So really, in her eyes, I'm not a stranger."

"It's nice to see you putting your law degree to good use," Barba replied drily. "I suppose it didn't occur to you to call and let me know what you had planned on doing. Or did you think that it wouldn't disrupt our lives?"

"Raf," Sonny replied in a pleading tone. "Please try and understand. I know it's an inconvenience and I'm sorry for the short notice, but I promised Lin that I would take care of her daughter in her absence. It wouldn't feel right putting Jasmine with anyone else. She needs me. She needs us."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's with this 'us' business? I don't mind sharing our apartment with a child in need, but don't go including me in your shenanigans. YOU made the promise. So she's YOUR responsibility. Leave me out of it."

"She's just an 8 month old baby. She won't hurt you. What have you got against babies anyway?"

"Nothing in principle. But I learned a lot time ago that me and babies just don't agree. Until you came along, I had been a confirmed bachelor. Don't expect me to change my ways overnight for this."

"But you're good with kids. I've seen how you are with Jessie and Noah. They love their Uncle Rafa."

"They're older and I can at least communicate with them verbally. Plus, I've known them longer. I wouldn't know what to do when a baby cries."

"Well, they're either hungry, have to burp, need changing, or just want a cuddle. It's not as hard as you're making it out to be."

"So, now you're an expert on babies. You can barely take care of yourself. Why are you so adamant about this anyway?"

"I just...I just thought it would be good practice for the future. You know, in case we decide to have a family of our own."

Barba sighed deeply. "It took me a very long time to accept that I was attracted to you, Sonny. I don't know if I'll be ready for that next step."

"Not ever?"

Barba's heart dropped to the pit of his stomach when he saw the stricken look in Sonny's eyes. He hated whenever he saw that look. It was the one weakness in Barba's armor when it came to his emotions. Even worse, that look meant that Sonny was heartbroken. But it was to be somewhat expected. Sonny could never control his emotions when it came to the subject of family...or when it came to Barba, himself.

"Let's just say that I wouldn't hold my breath. This shouldn't come as a shock to you. You knew the kind of person I was when we first got together. And besides, you didn't exactly give me fair warning on the subject."

"Okay, I admit that it wasn't fair to ambush you like this, but I didn't exactly plan on it happening this way. I thought you knew me long enough to understand how I feel about the subject of kids."

"Pardon me if I don't come across as sympathetic, but I've just had a long hard day in court and the minute I walk through the door, you literally produce a baby in front of my eyes. How the hell do you expect me to feel, Sonny?"

Jasmine clutched Sonny's dark blue and white plaid shirt tightly with her little hands, sensing the tension in the room and began to whine fretfully. Sonny immediately turned his attention to the child and began cooing soothing words.

"It's okay Jasmine. It's okay. You don't have to be afraid. Uncle Raf wasn't mad at you. Right?"

Sonny silently implored Barba with his eyes to help calm the baby down.

"Yeah. I wasn't mad at you, _chiquita (little girl, little one)_. Sorry I scared you," Barba replied contritely.

Jasmine looked up uncertainly at Sonny. It was obvious that she trusted him implicitly.

"There, you see? All better. I'll just feed her while you get settled...if that's all right with you."

"Sonny..." Barba implored in vain.

"I'm not mad. I just need some space right now. Okay?"

"Fine," Barba replied with resignation.

Barba knew that Sonny was just putting on a brave face for his sake. It was times like these Barba wished he could put on that façade of indifference like he would do in court. But he couldn't do that with Sonny. Sonny deserved better than that. He deserved to be loved and cherished and to be showered with affection. And he deserved complete and total honesty. Why he wanted to be with Barba had everyone at SVU still scratching their heads in bewilderment. Barba used to wonder himself at the beginning. But it was no real mystery. Simply put, Sonny had always been attracted to the dynamic and flamboyant Manhattan ADA from the moment they met. But Barba had been in no position to even consider the possibility of a romantic relationship at the time. He had been too hell bent on his career and making a name for himself and he wasn't ready emotionally. Or so he thought.

Sonny however, had other plans. Somehow, he had wormed his way into Barba's life and eventually into his heart. He had brought out Barba's softer side and had given him hope for the future; something Barba hadn't felt in a very long time. Everything had been going so well for them even after their somewhat tumultuous courtship. How did it go off the rails so quickly?

* * *

Later that night as Sonny and Barba lay together in bed, sleep didn't come easily for either of them. In times past, they would argue, but they would rarely go to bed mad at each other. How could they stay angry when making up was so much more fun? But tonight was a different story. And although their personalities were like night and day, both of them could be as stubborn as a mule.

"You asleep?" Sonny asked softly as he turned in the direction of his boyfriend.

"Not really," Barba replied in the same soft tone as he stared into Sonny's eyes.

"Yeah, me neither."

"Raf...Sonny..." they both began to speak at the same time.

"You first."

"What you said earlier, I've been thinking about it all night long," Sonny replied carefully.

"So have I. And before you say another word, I want you to know that I didn't mean what I said."

"Yes, you did. But that's beside the point. What I was going to say is that I was wrong. I had no right to ambush you with the idea of starting a family when you weren't emotionally prepared for it. I was being selfish and unfair, especially now that I know how you feel about the subject. I know that I can go overboard on things that I care about. But it was foolish of me to expect the same reaction from you. Can you ever forgive me?"

Barba reached over to pull the lanky detective into his arms, holding him closely. They spent the next few minutes just holding each other in silence before Barba finally spoke.

"Oh Sonny...What the hell is wrong with you, you dope?" Barba chastised angrily.

"What?!" the younger man bristled back hotly. "I came to you with an olive branch and this is how you respond?"

"You're a smart and talented detective, but sometimes you act like a space cadet. Don't you get it? There's no reason for you to apologize. It was my fault that I shut you down without even giving this fatherhood thing a chance. I could see how important it was to you, but all I could think about was my needs. I treated you like a stranger in your own home."

Sonny's expression softened as his indignation disappeared as quickly as it came. Barba could be brusque, quick-tempered, and snarky. But he also was devoted, passionate, and nothing, if not reasonable and fair.

"I guess I was letting my past experiences cloud my judgment and I panicked. I'm still getting used to the fact that I have someone else's feelings to consider besides my own. I kind of acted like a spoiled brat, didn't I?"

"Well, I was doing a pretty good imitation of that myself," Sonny replied ruefully.

"Honestly, I wasn't trying to hurt you, Sonny. I swear on my grandmother's grave. Can you ever forgive me?"

Sonny crossed the gap between them and kissed Barba soundly and convincingly.

"Why don't we just say that we're both even in this case?"

"I think I can accept that plea bargain."

"But that would imply that one of us was the guilty party. And since you just allocuted, I guess that the guilty party would be you."

Barba immediately tightened his hold in retribution. "Knock it off, smartass."

Sonny laughed as he settled back into Barba's arms, snuggling his cheek against his boyfriend's chest. "So, where do we go from here?"

"You're not going to let this go, aren't you?" It was more of statement, rather than a question.

"I will, if that's what you want. But I'd feel better if you would talk to me about it. Is the idea of becoming a father really that distasteful to you?"

"Not for reasons you might think." Barba was silent for what seemed to be an eternity. "The truth is...I'm afraid."

Sonny turned to look into Barba's green eyes incredulously. "You're afraid of babies?"

"Yes, that it. You've discovered my deepest darkest secret," Barba replied sarcastically before clarifying. "Of course, I'm not afraid of babies. If you really want to know, I'm afraid of being a bad father."

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard come out of your mouth, Rafael Barba. You've never been afraid of anything or anyone in all the time that I've known you."

"It's not ridiculous. It's the truth. I don't know the first thing about raising children. And I didn't exactly have the best role model growing up in the Bronx. My papi was old school and thought that showing your emotions was a sign of weakness, which people were all too willing to exploit. He was nothing like how your father is with you."

"But my Pops' personality is different from your father's personality. We're Italian after all. If anything, we have too many emotions. And besides, our fathers were from different backgrounds and had different life experiences. Maybe it was harder for your father to show his feelings."

"It's not the act of showing emotions, per se. I could live with that. He just seemed detached all the time. The only time he showed any emotion was when he was busting my chops. Nothing I ever did was good enough for the man. It was like he didn't even care."

"Maybe he didn't know how to show you," Sonny replied softly.

"What do you mean?"

"Being a parent is not as easy as it looks. The responsibility never shuts off. Maybe your father was overwhelmed, just like you are now. From what your mother told me, they got married at a very young age and because of that, his family disowned him for his decision. They thought that he was too young and was making a mistake. I can't imagine how difficult it was for him to be in a situation like that."

"Whenever I asked him about my grandparents, my old man would always change the subject. Now I know why. It was probably because of me."

"Raf, I know what you're thinking, and he didn't resent you."

"And you know this because..."

"Because your mother told me so. Your father worked hard for many years at a job he wasn't crazy about, but he stuck with it because he loved his wife and son. And furthermore, he did the best he could to provide for his family, despite having a limited education. Maybe, just maybe, he envied the path you chose for yourself or that you even had an option in the first place to do something else with your life. He could have taken the easy way out, but he didn't. It probably cost him more than we'll ever really know."

Barba crossed the gap between them and kissed Sonny's forehead. "I take back everything I said about you being a space cadet. How did you get to be so smart?"

"Practice," Sonny replied smiling confidently.

Barba leaned back against the pillows staring up at the ceiling throwing his arm over his head in contemplation.

"You know, after all this time, it never occurred to me that there was another reason for my father's stoic demeanor. I just assumed that he didn't want me wasting time, energy, and valuable resources following a pipe dream like becoming a lawyer. He'd always call me a dreamer, reiterating time and time again that the chances of getting out of the barrios was next to impossible, which irritated me to no end. The man had absolutely no ambition in life. At least, that's what he led me to believe."

"It sounds to me like he had plenty of dreams and ambitions, but he gave them up because he wanted to be there for his family."

"I just...I just wish he would have told me all of this before he died."

"I'm sure he regretted many things. You said he was old school, right? Maybe for him, that was his way of showing that he cared. I know that if I had a son like you, I would have been shouting your praises from the rooftops."

Barba gave a soft chuckle as he turned to look at Sonny. "You might be just a tiny bit biased."

"Perhaps. But it's the truth. You know, being a parent doesn't mean you're perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. And just because your father wasn't as open with his emotions as you would have liked, doesn't mean that he didn't love you or that he wasn't proud of you. And it doesn't mean that you'll turn out the same way as he did. It's not like it's an inherited trait from one generation to the next. He made his choice. Now it's up to you."

"But what if I do turn out exactly the same way as he did? You can't guarantee that it won't happen."

"No, I can't make that guarantee. Look, I don't know what the future holds. No one does. But we can shape it by the decisions we make right now in the present."

"You sound like an after school tv special. And just as corny too."

"Corny, but true."

"Doesn't life ever get you down, Sonny?"

"Sometimes. After all, I'm only human."

"But how do you manage to keep that positive attitude with the kind of work that you do in SVU? It can't be easy."

"I didn't say it was easy. There are times when it's hardly worth the emotional strain. But it's part of the job, and the good that we do always outweighs the bad side of it. I guess it just comes down to counting my blessings and being grateful for what I have."

"That's all?"

"That's all. You, for instance, are one of those blessings."

"Are you sure that isn't a curse?" Barba replied in a self-deprecating tone.

"Positive. You make me happy. That's why I'm sure that you're going to make an awesome dad. So what do you say, counselor? Want to give this fatherhood thing a chance?"

Barba was silent for few moments before answering. "I'm still on the fence about this. And I'm not making any promises...but I'll try."

"Thank you, Raf. You don't know how much this means to me."

"Would you like to show just how grateful you are?" Barba replied suggestively before bending down to nuzzle Sonny's throat before latching on to the pulsing vein on the side of Sonny's neck with his lips, feasting greedily on his favorite spot. That was going to leave a hickey for sure.

Sonny moaned softly, unable to contain his pleasure. Barba knew exactly how to drive his lover crazy with desire and had no qualms about using his weaknesses against him. It was a good thing that Sonny didn't mind.

"Raf, we can't do it with the baby sleeping nearby. You know that I can't keep my voice down. And besides, I have to get up early in the morning to take care of her," Sonny protested lightly. "I gotta get some rest."

"So that means, you're saying no?" Barba asked as he let his lips trail slowly and teasingly down Sonny's bare chest and along his abdomen, caressing all of his lover's sensitive areas and pleasure points. Sonny immediately arched his back in response when he felt Barba's tongue dart into his navel. His body was practically begging for Barba to continue. And like the tease he was, Barba purposely stopped just below Sonny's waist driving the younger man into a wild frenzy when he wanted more. Enough was enough.

"It means that you're wasting precious time," Sonny replied snaking his fingers through Barba's hair holding him closely. "Hurry up and finish, before I burst into flames."

Barba lips curved into a knowing smirk. It was no wonder that he adored this man.

 _To Be Continued_

* * *

Upload date: 08Jun2018


	2. Lost in Translation

In this chapter, Barba learns a valuable lesson in unconditional love.

I had written this originally as one long chapter, but thought the more I wrote, the more it made sense to split it up, so voila!

* * *

"Come on, Jasmine. Work with me, here. You have to eat something," Sonny coaxed in vain, as the baby kept turning her head either sideways or pulled away whenever he put the spoon filled with baby food near her mouth.

Barba looked up from his paperwork. "I'm with you, kid. That stuff would put me off as well."

"Everyone's a critic," Sonny murmured under his breath. After 3 days of living in the Barba-Carisi household, Jasmine was getting used to her new foster dads and their peculiar habits. Barba was more distant than Sonny was with the baby, but he was definitely making the effort to be involved, in his own inimitable way.

"Don't get so worked up. She'll eat when she's hungry enough. Although, I wouldn't bet on it if you're going to feed her that green goop."

"I'll have you know that this 'green goop' is very nutritious. It's also organic and vegan-friendly. My sister, Bella, swears by it."

"It's mushy, green, and looks like slime. Probably tastes like it too. What's in that stuff anyway?"

"Peas, asparagus, carrots, and quinoa."

"I rest my case," Barba replied drily. "You keep feeding her that, and she's going to start rebelling before she's a year old."

"Hey Uncle Raf, I've got an idea. Why don't you show Jasmine how grown-ups eat their veggies to show how big and strong they can be?" Sonny replied in a happy sing-song tone of voice.

"Gee, Uncle Sonny, just what exactly are you implying?" Barba replied mockingly in that same happy tone.

Sonny held up the offending green goop in front of Barba mouth while smiling sweetly. "Open wide."

"Oh, hell no. I am NOT eating that."

"Careful, Uncle Raf. The baby is watching AND listening," Sonny replied while still wearing that goofy grin. Sure enough, the little girl was watching them with wide eyes. "You wouldn't want to be responsible for contributing to the delinquency of a minor, would you?"

"You're lucky you're cute, because I wouldn't do this for anyone else, but you."

"I know. Now say 'Ahhh'."

Barba opened his mouth and pretended to take a bite, but in one swift motion, he pushed the spoon back towards Sonny and into his own open mouth. The look on Sonny's face was beyond priceless. It was a mixture of surprise and disgust all at the same time. Jasmine clapped her hands and giggled when she saw the comical expression on Sonny's face. It took every ounce of self-control for Barba not to laugh as well. Well, at least he had one thing in common with the baby. They both enjoyed laughing at Sonny.

"Now eat it all up, Uncle Sonny. After all, you wouldn't want to be responsible for contributing to the delinquency of a minor," Barba replied in the same coaxing tone that Sonny had just used.

The younger man swallowed and forced a smile, while suppressing the shudder that went through his entire system. "Mmm. Sooo yummy."

He then spoke out of the side of his mouth leaning sideways towards Barba with that same goofy grin, "I'm not going to forget this," before turning his attention back to the baby. "Okay, kiddo. Now it's your turn."

The little girl surprisingly opened her mouth voluntarily and ended up eating every last bite of the nutritious green goop. Barba was right after all. Sonny rewarded Jasmine by giving her several encouraging praises and a kiss on the cheek. Barba smiled to himself as he watched them together. Sonny was such a natural with kids.

"What? Is there something on my face?" Sonny asked curiously when he caught Barba staring at him.

Sonny had just taken out several ramekins filled with warm baked apples from the oven for dessert, one of which he had already mashed up for the baby. The aroma of cinnamon and nutmeg mingled with the natural sweetness of the apples, was heavenly. Barba really was spoiled by Sonny's culinary abilities.

"No. It's just that you look right at home doing what you're doing. I can see why Jasmine trusts you so much. You just have this natural ability to put people at ease."

"Would you...like to feed her?" Sonny asked uncertainly.

Barba looked at the baby and gave a small smile. "What the hell. I don't think I can mess that up."

The look on Sonny's face was one of complete adoration. He wasn't even annoyed anymore at the stunt Barba pulled just a moment ago. As Sonny placed the dessert in front of Barba, he bent down to whisper seductively in his lover's ear, "I have a special dessert for you later tonight."

Barba smirked knowingly. "Oh, is that what we're calling it now?"

Sonny winked in response. "Only if you're feeling horny."

* * *

Barba stirred slightly from his sleep as he heard several plaintive cries coming from the next room down the hall. He thought that Jasmine would have been comfortable enough in her new surroundings to be able to sleep through the night by now. Apparently, she wasn't. Barba turned his head sideways only to discover that his boyfriend was completely dead to the world and snoring softly. And with good reason. After taking care of Jasmine for nearly five days straight without a break, Sonny was completely exhausted. Barba felt a sudden stab of guilt for not helping as much, other than feeding or playing with the baby when he had a moment to spare. He had left everything else for Sonny to do, for which the younger man never said a peep in protest. Well, the least Barba could do was to let him sleep uninterrupted for one night. He gently maneuvered his way out of the bed, without waking Sonny and made his way into the makeshift nursery where Jasmine was wailing away at maximum volume. How Sonny didn't hear it was an amazement in itself.

"There, there. _¿Qué pasa, chiquita?_ " Barba asked as he checked her diaper, which was as dry as a bone. "You just had your bottle 2 hours ago so you couldn't be hungry and you don't need to be burped."

He tried amusing the baby with her stuffed animals, making them speak in goofy voices, but that only resulted in making her cry louder.

"Okay, so I'm not Jim Henson. Sheesh, tough crowd. I wonder if I was ever this fussy as a baby."

The little girl's face was turning red as she continued to cry, making Barba even more agitated than she was.

"Come on. Give me a break. Just tell me what's bothering you."

Barba went back through his memories and recalled Sonny mentioning several options for an immediate remedy to stop the baby's crying, many of which he had already tried as a solution, except for the most obvious one. Well, it couldn't hurt and he needed to get some sleep. He reached down to pick up the baby and cradled her in his arms while gently bouncing her up and down and walking back and forth the way Sonny would. Eventually she settled down, much to Barba's relief.

"You know, for a regular poop machine, you're not too bad. Especially when you're not causing me hearing loss," he murmured with a soft expression on his face as Jasmine looked up at him, as Barba's voice seem to have a calm, soothing effect on her. It was amusing how just a moment ago, she was wailing her head off and in the blink of an eye, she was now at peace.

"So you were just lonely, huh? I guess I can't blame you. You're away from your mother and familiar surroundings. I haven't exactly made you feel very welcome either. And for that, I'm truly sorry. You're very lucky that Uncle Sonny has such a big heart. I'm lucky as well. For a very long time, I thought I was doing great on my own and didn't need anyone. And then he barged his way into my life and showed me what I was missing out on. Don't get me wrong, sometimes he can drive me up the wall. But that's only because he thinks with his heart instead of his head and because he cares so much. Feel free to interrupt me at any time."

The little girl continued to listen in rapt attention as though she understood everything that Barba said. It was actually very comforting to be able to talk so freely without having his privacy compromised.

"I'll take that as a sign that you want me to continue. You want to know something else? In spite of his annoying ways, Uncle Sonny is the first person that I was ever really serious about. I know he's a little naive sometimes and places too much trust in people, but he means well. In fact, that's one of the things that caught my attention. There was just something so genuine about him. It's like he can't help it. Maybe it's the way his eyes are so expressive. Maybe it's his sweet smile. But it was hard to take him seriously when he was playing 'Super Lawyer' all of the time."

Jasmine smiled gently, making Barba smile as well. "But if you had to put me on the stand under oath, I would have no choice, but to tell the truth and admit that I love that hopeless dork. Did I really just say that? I guess I did. Do me a favor and don't tell anyone, okay? It'll be our little secret, just between you and me."

Jasmine reached up to pat Barba's face gently, sealing their pact. He felt his chest tighten in response. How could this helpless little thing trust in a complete stranger? Especially from someone who had initially wanted nothing to do with her? Not only was it the first time that Barba had really connected with Jasmine, it was the first time he felt such a strong emotional pull on his heartstrings that he had never felt before. In an unguarded moment, he bent down to kiss the baby's forehead before shifting her position so that she was resting her head on his shoulder as he held her upright in his arms while supporting her back. He then began to croon a familiar Spanish lullaby that his maternal grandmother used to sing him to sleep as a child as he walked back and forth. Within a few minutes she fell asleep right in his arms. Barba then put her back in her bassinet gingerly, being careful not to make any sudden moves that might wake her up again. As he stared at Jasmine's peaceful, sleeping form, all of Barba's hesitations and reservations started to dissipate. How could he ever have doubted himself?

"Maybe this fatherhood thing isn't so bad after all," he murmured softly before returning to bed.

* * *

"I think that's about everything. It was so nice of you to see us off like this."

Liv, Sonny, and Barba had gone together to see Lin and Jasmine off from the hospital as she was being released with a clean bill of health after two weeks. Most of the girls that the team rescued earlier were either going back to their respective homes or into foster care. Fortunately for Lin and Jasmine, CPS had finally been able to locate a relative which turned out to be a first cousin of Lin's mother who was living in New Jersey and was more than happy to take them in.

"Thanks to Detective Carisi, I'll never have to buy Jasmine another stuffed animal again. I just hope we have enough room for them."

"I guess I kind of overdid it," Sonny replied ruefully.

"Don't worry. This is normal for him," Barba teased, making Sonny wrinkle his nose back at his boyfriend in retaliation.

Liv just shook her head at them, while suppressing a chuckle. "We're just glad that everything is going to work out for you two. After everything you've been through, you deserve a some happiness."

"You know Lieutenant Benson, I was skeptical at first about the future. After all, I haven't had much luck in the trust department for most of my life. Someone was always trying to get something from me. But I'm beginning to believe that everything's going to be okay after all. I haven't felt safe in a very long time."

"Well, you have a good reason to be hopeful," Liv replied shaking the baby's hand. "If you ever need anything, feel free to give us a call."

Lin gave heartfelt smile as she turned her attention towards Sonny. It was easy to see where Jasmine got her smile from.

"Thank you Detective Carisi for taking such good care of my little girl. You too, Mr. Barba. Detective Carisi told me how you were a big help as well. I know that it was a lot to ask from a stranger, and I know that she can be a handful."

"Glad to be of help. And Jasmine was no trouble at all. She even ate all her vegetables, right counselor?" Sonny asked his boyfriend with a dimpled grin.

Barba smiled in agreement. "Not without some encouragement."

"Then there's hope for her yet. Well, I guess this is it. Thank you again. All of you."

Sonny picked up Jasmine and gave her a big hug and a kiss, which she responded in turn with a kiss of her own by brushing her nose against his cheek. "Goodbye, kiddo. I'm really going to miss you. Look after your mommy, be good, and remember to eat your veggies. Cause if you don't, I'll come by with Uncle Raf and we'll make sure you that you do. That is, if it's all right to visit once in a while."

"Of course it is," Lin replied as Sonny transferred the baby back to her. "We'd love for you to visit once we get settled."

"Are you sure you don't want us to drive you to New Jersey?"

"Thank you for the offer, but my mother's cousin will be here any minute and she wants us to get reacquainted during the ride back. I really don't remember her very well since I was Jasmine's age when she last saw me. But from what Mom told me about her, they were more like sisters, than cousins. There's so much I want to ask her about my family and my mother."

"Well, you'll have plenty of time for that. And as an added bonus, she can get to know Jasmine better as well."

"Agreed. Speaking of which, she just texted and said that she's waiting for us in the lobby. Okay, baby. It's time to go to our new home."

Jasmine began to wriggle in protest as she looked in Sonny and Barba's direction, her lower lip pouting in dismay, threatening to cry at any second.

"It's okay, Jasmine. We'll see each other again," Sonny cooed soothingly.

The little girl held out her arms, reaching forward with her hands and cried outloud, "BaBa!"

"Looks like someone wants to say goodbye to you personally, Rafael," Liv replied gently.

Sonny could barely contain his emotions as he regarded the scene unraveling before his eyes. He couldn't help it. It was just so sweet, and even more so, knowing Barba's situation with his own father.

Barba took the baby in his arms and soaked in the moment as the little girl looked up into his eyes. He was dumbstruck with awe and temporarily lost for words for the first time in his life. Damn it. How could this pint sized munchkin affect him so much in such a short amount of time?

"I'm not good with goodbyes. In fact, I suck at them. Oh hell, I'm going to miss you too. Enjoy your new home and your new life, _chiquita_."

He then bent over to whisper in her ear, "And remember to keep our little secret just between us."

Jasmine patted Barba's clean-shaven face softly in response as he kissed her fingers before handing her back to her mother.

"What did you say to her?" Liv asked curiously after they left.

"I'd like to know too," Sonny chimed in.

Barba smirked in response as he fixed his gaze on Sonny. "Oh, nothing in particular."

* * *

"Come on, Raf. What did you whisper to Jasmine?" Sonny implored as they entered their apartment.

"Wouldn't YOU like to know?"

"Well, duh. That's why I've been asking you for the last half hour."

"Is it really that important to you?"

"If it's about me, then yes it is."

"Sorry. But I'm afraid that's classified information and on a strictly need-to-know basis. And you don't need to know...at least not at the moment."

Sonny rolled his eyes in exasperation. "You are such an ass sometimes."

Barba reached up to kiss his boyfriend softly. "And that's why you love me."

He turned away momentarily before Sonny immediately wrapped his long arms around Barba's chest from behind and rested his cheek against Barba's face, hugging the smaller man closely to his body.

"I do love you, Rafael Barba. Very much. And I'm so lucky that you're in my life."

"Not that I mind, but why are you hanging all over me? Is it my new cologne?"

"You can joke all you want, but you can't fool me. When Jasmine reached out to you, I saw how shook up you were."

"I was just feeling gassy," Barba replied dismissively. "And besides, she was going to have a meltdown if I didn't pick her up."

"Fine, be that way. But I still think it was the most adorable thing I've ever witnessed."

"I told you that I hate being called adorable."

"Would you rather I call you 'Sweetie-kins' or 'Lamby-pie' instead?" Sonny teased as he pressed soft kisses along Barba's neck and behind his ear.

Barba turned around and laced his arms around Sonny's waist. "Only when we're fooling around."

Sonny laughed showing all his dimples at once. Whenever he smiled like that, it felt like all was right with the world. "I'll have to remember that. Oh wow! I didn't realize that it was way past dinner time. You must be hungry."

Barba's hands moved to the front of Sonny's shirt and removed his tie before quickly undoing the buttons.

"Raf! I was referring to food," Sonny protested half-heartedly.

"Forget about food. You're the one that I want right now."

"You're so impatient. Can't you wait until after dinner?"

"You should have thought of that before getting me all horny," Barba replied in a husky voice before reaching up to kiss him deeply.

Sonny gave up protesting and pulled Barba against his chest so that he could feel all of him. When they finally separated after making out, their faces were flushed and their breathing labored. It had always been this way between them. The physical attraction, the all-consuming lust, and their mutual desire for one another was undeniable.

"You talked me into it, counselor," Sonny replied as he steered Barba backwards towards the couch.

Unfortunately, Sonny's overzealousness caused the tall and lanky Staten Island native to fall right on top of Barba, causing them both to tumble onto the couch.

"Sorry," Sonny mumbled in embarassment.

"You're such a klutz sometimes," Barba teased before kissing Sonny's forehead. "But you're MY klutz."

"But sometimes I can be supple and quite agile. Would you like me to demonstrate?"

Barba responded with his typical smirk. "By all means continue, Detective Carisi. I'm all yours."

Sonny bent down and claimed Barba's lips in a searing kiss, confident in the fact that this dynamic man belonged to him and him, alone.

"And don't you forget it."

* * *

"Is it strange that I miss Jasmine already?" Sonny asked softly, as he was cuddled up against Barba's side in their bed in the afterglow of their lovemaking.

"It's only been a few hours since she left," Barba reminded him. He then smiled ruefully. "You're just experiencing the empty nest syndrome. It'll get better in time."

"I knew it wasn't going to last forever, but for a while it felt like we were you know...a family."

Barba turned Sonny's chin upwards with his thumb and index finger forcing the younger man to look directly into Barba's green eyes. "Are you saying that I'm not enough for you?"

Sonny's eyes immediately reflected concern that he had come across as discontented, which was quite the contrary. Sometimes, he forgot that even Barba needed reassurance once in a while.

"Of course not! I didn't mean it the way it sounded, Raf. I've never been this happy with anyone else in my life."

"But you'd be even happier with a couple of screaming kids and running around the place wreaking havoc and scratching up the walls. I'm right, aren't I?"

Sonny reached over to cradle Barba's face within his palms. "Listen to me, and listen to me good. Even if we never have a family, I'll always be happy as long as I have you. I've never lied to you, have I?"

"No, you haven't. It's a shame really, because I was getting used to the idea of being a father."

Sonny backed away slightly as he stared wide-eyed at Barba in disbelief. "Raf, are you saying...?"

"Like I said, I'm not making any promises, but I think I'm ready for that next step whenever it happens, if it happens."

Barba let out a surprised gasp when Sonny lunged forward and tackled him, giving him the biggest hug ever before smothering his face with kisses like an enthusiastic puppy.

"I love the enthusiasm Sonny, but I think you may have broken a rib or two," Barba replied when Sonny released his death grip on him.

"Sorry. I wanted to tell you this earlier, but it didn't seem right to spring it on you in front of everyone. Do you know why Jasmine called you 'BaBa'?"

"Isn't it obvious? She was saying my last name. That's not unusual. She must have heard Carmen say it at the office whenever you came to visit me and brought her along."

"That may be true. But I think she meant something else. Did you know that, 'BaBa' means 'father' in Chinese? "

Barba felt that tightening on his heartstrings again. It took him a moment to gather his composure as years of self-doubt and regret in his abilities as a parent, were gone in an instant. Sonny was right all along.

"If you wanted to make me feel all warm and mushy inside, mission accomplished. You know how much that annoys me."

Sonny grinned from ear to ear making the corners of his eyes crinkle. "You're going to make a great dad someday, Raf. You already are, as far as Jasmine is concerned."

Barba wound his arms around Sonny, holding him closely. "That's because I had a very good teacher. So, are we done talking yet? Because my appetite hasn't been completely satisfied."

"Not so fast, buster. You still haven't told me about this secret you told Jasmine."

"I swear that you've got a memory like an elephant. Look, I promise to tell you when the time is right. Scout's honor."

"You told her something embarrassing about me, didn't you?"

"Not every conversation is about you, Sonny," Barba replied sarcastically. "And even if I did, she wouldn't remember it."

"Not necessarily. Studies have shown that even fetuses in the womb can retain memories."

"Were you always like this?"

"Like what?" Sonny replied in confusion.

"Neurotic."

"I just get anxious when you're holding something out on me. Whenever that happens, it's like there's a part of you that I can't reach and I worry that maybe...maybe I'm not good enough for you."

"You're making me feel warm and mushy again. Just for the record, I don't want to be with anyone else, but you."

"I know. Don't mind me. I have these moments once in a while. Just another neurotic part of my personality, I guess."

Barba reached up to caress Sonny's cheek with the back of his fingers. "What can I do to ease your fears?"

Sonny leaned in to close the gap between them. "I'm sure you'll think of something," he replied in a husky, suggestive voice. Sonny then inched closer until he was a hair's breadth away from Barba's lips.

"But right now, I need food. I'm starving to death."

Barba bursted out laughing as he reached for his phone on the bedstand and pressed the speed dial to their favorite takeout place. "Do you want the usual? Goat cheese and sun dried tomato pizza?"

"And don't forget the cannoli. I have a feeling we'll be burning it off very soon and I'll need all the energy I can get."

* * *

Several hours later, Barba was watching his better half sleeping peacefully on his side with a look of satisfaction and contentment. It had been quite an eventful day. And although he would miss Jasmine, Barba was grateful that he had Sonny in his life. The thought of waking up every day and seeing Sonny's infectious smile greeting him the first thing in the morning, made Barba realize just how fortunate he was.

"If you want to know what I told the baby, it's really no secret, Sonny. I simply told her that I love you," Barba said in a soft voice, making sure not to disturb him.

"You know, that's much more effective when I'm not asleep," Sonny suddenly spoke, with his eyes still closed shut.

"Why you big...Just how long have you been awake?"

The younger man opened his eyes, grinning in amusement. "Long enough. So that was the big secret, huh? Some secret."

"And just what the hell is that wisecrack supposed to mean?" Barba demanded. "I don't say that to just anybody, you know."

"Take it easy, Raf. I just meant that there was no need for the secrecy. I already knew that you loved me."

"Oh you did, did you? Would you like to share how you figured that out, detective?"

"I took all the evidence presented before me, taking into account other factors and intangibles and pieced it all together forming an open and shut case. Plus the fact that I overheard you the other night, telling the baby how you really felt about me, so there was that as well."

Barba rolled his eyes. "So much for your deductive skills."

Sonny leaned in and brushed his lips against Barba's cheek. "But it doesn't make the impact any less hearing you say it again. I'll never get tired of it."

Barba's expression softened as he stared into Sonny's brilliant blue eyes. "Good. Because I intend to tell you as often as possible, from now on."

"Would you mind showing me from time to time, as well?" Sonny replied running his hand slowly along Barba's thigh, gently caressing it back and forth with his long fingers. "Like, right now for instance?"

"I'm not a machine. Don't you ever get enough?"

Sonny closed the gap between them and replied with a smirk that rivaled Barba's own smirk, "Never."

"Careful, detective. You're beginning to think like me."

"Well, they say that great minds think alike."

"Right now, I'm more interested in your body."

Sonny laughed as Barba pulled him into his arms and granted his request without further delay. He really was truly blessed. They both were.

 _The End_

* * *

Upload date: 08Jun2018

I hope you have enjoyed my little drabbles. It was the perfect time for Father's day coming up as well the fact that "BaBa" in Chinese sounds like "Barba". I love it when a plan comes together. :)


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